Speed Limit

Boobies Boobies Boobies

I am going to share my breast cancer story and if it helps ONE woman than it's well worth it. My regular doctor had given me the "slip of paper" to get a mammogram and I pinned it on the bulletin board and ignored it. For over a year I continued to ignore it. During this period I had to see that same doctor 2 times for totally different reasons (like a sinus infection) and every time I saw him he would make some comment like, "I don't see the results of a mammogram here in your records." And I would feel kinda guilty until I left his office and then forget about it. I had an appointment with him coming up and I KNEW he would ask me again about the mammogram so ONLY TO GET HIM OFF MY BACK I scheduled the mammogram which detected my breast cancer. This was in the spring of 2003. So, I had my left breast removed and started chemo. Yes, I got bald and threw up and felt like shit but I'm alive!!! There were some pretty funny moments along with the depressing ones. You have to understand that I was a TRIPLE D gal. Those puppies were enormous. So, I had one chopped off and that creates a bit of lopsidedness. I got a fake boobie (grownups call them prothesis) for the left side so I could wear a bra and not look too strange. One day I was tearing aound the house looking for my prothesis yelling, "I can't find my boob." Being bald was kinda groovy in some ways. Shampooing and grooming were a breeze! And no hair on legs or armpits was great! No eyelashes and eyebrows was not so much fun! BUT it grew back folks!!! In 2004 I had a surgical procedure where a plastic surgeon took skin, fat, and muscle from my back and brought it around front and formed a new breast. (FYI it's technically called a "mound" but I call it my boob). Then another procedure about 3 months later to reduce the right one to match my new lefty. So, I have a road map of scars but I love my new boobs! I must say having been a BIG BOOB gal for almost 47 years (okay, not quite that long because I wasn't born with them!!!) I really like having my B cup size ones better!!! I met some wonderful people on my cancer/chemo journey who helped change my life. My family and friends were the absolute BEST. Breast cancer does not have to be a death sentence it can be the opening paragraph for the story of your life.

Don't Be a Pushy Pig

I have ordered my drink (Iced Mocha with soymilk) and the gal is making it when another customer whom I shall call "Miss Prissy Pants" throws herself in front of me and practically over the counter and says (all breathy) "Can I just have my cup filled (it was a travel type mug/cup) I am in a hurry, I have ice cream melting in the car." WHO ACTS LIKE THAT?? I was embarrassed for her as she doesn't even have the common sense to know that's not how to behave. The title of this blog comes from my husband. When he was in Kindergarten it was a saying his teacher would use. So, evidently Miss Prissy Pants skipped kindergarten, probably because she had something melting on the short bus.

The Bard

Red Window Frames

Best Dog in the World

Rusty Pilings

Columbia River at Dawn

Threatening Toothpaste

The source for this true story is "Deep Throat" and if the FEDS come knockin I will not reveal their identity. On Friday Deep Throat went through an airport security check with a tube of toothpaste undetected in it's carry-on luggage. The luggage went through the x-ray and was never opened or questioned in any way. Now the POINT of this tale is NOT "Yeah, I broke the stupid-ass rules". NO, the POINT of the story is that the Federal Avaition and Anti Terrorist restrictions and rules aren't going to work unless enforced. Either carry through with your mind numbing list of items that can be carried on an airplane or GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE.

HST Made Me

1) Are you happy/satisfield with your blog and with its content and look?I was just happy to be able to open it at first but now I see all the cool things that other people do and I have envy and longing.2) Does your family know about your blog?Yes. Many of them read it and on a daily basis3) Do you feel embarassed to let your friends know about your blog or do you just consider it a private thing?Sadly I live a duplicitous life and I'm not sure I want some of those people reading my nasty swear ridden thoughts. 4) Did blogs cause positive changes in your thougts?No. 5) Do you only open blogs of those who comment on your blogs or do you open yourself up (I accidentally erased the rest of this)?I find myself going to someone's blog who made a comment but then leaping from there to all over the place. I have watched videos and heard bands I never knew about, etc. FUN6) what does visitor counter mean to you? Do you care about putting it on your blog?My daughter set it up for me and I NEVER read it.7) Did you try to imagine your fellow blogger a(I did it AGAIN!!!) The only reason I kinda want to see the real person is because I want to see how much of their blogging is fantasy. I kinda like the REAL deal no matter how many warts.8) Admit. Do you think there is a real benefit in blogging?For me there is, I can't say for anyone else. 9) Do you think that bloggers’ society is isolated from the real world or it interacts with events? Blogging has made me LESS isolated and more interactive.10) Does criticism annoy you or do you feel it’s a normal thing?What the fuck? Don't ever criticize me.11) Do you fear some of the political blogs?BRING IT ON. I love it.12) Were you shocked by the arrest of some bloggers?Is this another urban legend?13) Do you think about what will happen to your blog after you die?Hell no, I sometimes think about what my husband and kids will do but then I realize I'll be DEAD and it won't flippin matter.14) What do you like to hear? What song would you link to your blog?I would want to change it every hour to natch my mood and that would wear me out.

Quaint Quebec

Woodstock Canadian Style

Blue Door

Birdbrained

Recently I was awakened by birds, not by sweet melodic chirps or a ranting caw caw but the sound of misguided myopic avians smacking into the bedroom window. What the fuck? Perhaps it's this Bird Flu season upon them and in their feverish dementia they see a tree in the glass, or maybe they're temporarily blinded by a reflection, or maybe they've watched the news and the sound of BUSH'S VOICE trying to speak broken English sent them into a spiral of suicidal flight. YEAH, I think it's the latter.

New Babies and Old Grey Hair

One of the guys who "lived" at our house during his junior and senior high days because he was one our son's friends just had a baby girl (okay, his wife HAD the baby) on Saturday. I got to go see them and the baby yesterday (Sunday). I was happy for the new little family but it made me feel incredibly old. But it was a thrill holding that little baby! These guys who used to fart, wrestle with each other and call one another fag are now all married and having families. WEIRD how life moves so quickly!

Boys will be Boys

At a recent conversation with 2 of my nephews (ages 12 and 10) this is what I heard:
Me: How'd you get the black eye? (this ? directed at 10 year old)
10 yr old: My brother.
12 yr old: I DIDN'T DO anything.
10 yr old: My brother was on me and I had to go REAL bad.
Me: Your brother was ON you?
12 yr old: That's what I'm saying; I DIDN'T DO anything to him, I was just sitting on him.
10 yr old jumps in: And I TOLD him, I HAVE to go sooo bad if you don't let me up I will pee on you.
12 yr old: So he starts trying to get loose and he hit his eye on my knee. I didn't DO anything.
This entire convo cracked me up!! (probably because I'm not their mom!!!)

Run Forest Run

I want to go running but I don't want to actually put on shoes, leave the house, or actually run. I'm going to call it cerebral athletics and I'll just picture myself doing it. Yeah that works. Today's blog; no subject; just random shit from the basement of my id. Basement needs cleaning that's a fact. Too much useless information gathered. I carefully stored a boxfull of feelings from Junior High School but now there's no room on the shelf for where I left my keys. Crap.

Moms Know Everything

As some of you know, I have a dear friend who has ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) and she can only move a few fingers, her head, and she can chew and swallow but someone has to feed her. Well, this gal single parented and raised 3 wonderful boys. Two of these boys are married but the youngest still lives at home. So, I'm over there visiting yesterday and "youngest" is packing to go on a camping trip. He comes into the room and says "Mom, where is my fishing pole?" (OKAY readers stay with me here.... SHE'S STUCK IN A CHAIR!!!!) My friend gets this "shit eating" grin on her face and says "I told you to put it away didn't I?" By God, she DID know where it was!!! She had one of her caregivers put it in a closet. She made him "work" alittle bit before she told him where to look. I tell you the MOM POWER is a force to be reckoned with even when she can't whip your ass.

Fuckin Terrorists

Pretty soon we will have to go to the airport naked and take no luggage and be forced to buy all new clothing, etc. at our flight destination. Do NOT misunderstand me here; I do want safety on airplanes and I realize the airlines, airports, etc. have their hands tied basically. My anger and frustration is directed at the terrorists. Even if they blow up a million people they will NOT get their way. They are SERIOUSLY overdue for anger management classes and need a butt kicking.

Boob Perspective

I have just read a few blogs with big breasts as subject matter. Aren't breasts, ta-tas, boobies, tits, jugs, etc. an interesting phenomenon? One day you're on the swingset pumping your legs and arching your back feeling the whoosh of air tickle your face, neck, and arms and you are the Princess of earth wind and fire. Then without warning your mom says "You need a bra, cover those up, you're a big girl now" (and all the other corresponding dialog). So, corsetted-up you begin your BIG Girl life. If I need to cover them they must be bad, why the need for camo? If I show them it makes others uncomfortable so for "Goodness Sake" I must cover. But the coin has another shiny side thus being "For Badness Sake" I tease, flash, look but don't touch and I control most eyes. The pen may be mightier than the sword but I'll wager a RACK beats them both.